Just How Married Are You?

June 1992

Pop Quiz
Just How Married Are You?

A condo of our own, a fence of iron bar, hibachi on the fire escape, washer hooked up to the sink. The gay male couple is not a new idea, it’s not a fluke, and it’s not a standard to which all need aspire. The rules are more moldable, more pliable, maybe even more breakable.

The couple of yesteryear often aspired to a lifestyle modeled on their ostensibly heterosexual parents. For some, this was the be-all and end-all of what a relationship could become. For others, the marriage model looked like a maze that a well-trained lab rat wouldn’t venture into.

Today, relationship styling has become as big as food styling and promises to expand through the 90’s. Perhaps it’s time to find out just how married you are.

1. When he’s not there, you refer to your beloved as:
(0) your “husband”
(1) your “friend”
(2) Bill
(3) your “future ex-lover”

2. The best thing about having a long-term relationship is:
(0) someone to pick up after
(1) your mother is happy
(2) getting it regularly
(3) showing up your friends

3. In bed, you’re most likely to fall asleep:
(0) watching the Tonight Show
(1) reading each other bedtime stories
(2) after sex
(3) who can sleep the way he snores?

4. You know:
(0) the names of all his nieces and nephews
(1) the names of his last two lovers
(2) the name of the company he works for
(3) his first name is Bill

5. My pet name for him is:
(0) honey
(1) light of my life
(2) baby, oh yes, baby, ohhhh
(3) Bill

6. Your friends:
(0) we’re each other’s best friends
(1) have all been couples for at least five years
(2) say we’re a cute couple
(3) hey, he’s got his friends, I’ve got mine

7. Your favorite entertainment is:
(0) parents for the weekend
(1) friends for dinner
(2) the Portuguese navy
(3) I’ve got a career you know

8. Your sweetheart is going on a business trip. You:
(0) catch up on your reading
(1) send flowers to his hotel every morning
(2) check out the new clubs in town
(3) host the summer’s first Mazola party

9. I would never cheat on him because:
(0) after cooking and cleaning there’s no time
(1) he’s funny, smart and good in bed
(2) he ties me to the bed when he leaves
(3) the hell I wouldn’t

10. We would never break up because:
(0) the house is jointly owned
(1) the emotional trauma to the Shih-tzu
(2) sex
(3) the hell I wouldn’t

Total up the numbers next to your answers.

If you scored a perfect 0: you’re right, you’re Matrimony Incarnate and we all stand humbled before you.
1-15: just remember, a little excitement never hurt anyone; store that little black book away for a rainy day.
16-29: you may as well hit the bars now while the pickins is good; don’t count on wedding bells with this one.

If you scored a perfect 30, his name probably isn’t Bill, anyway.

Genre is a gay “lifestyle” and travel magazine. It was launched in 1992 by three entrepreneurs, two of whom shortly thereafter left to found QSF magazine. I went with them…


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